If you're shy, the notion of meeting new people, especially with the hopeful intent of going on a date with someone maybe, is pretty difficult. But the good news is, there are things you can do to make it easier. There are things you can do to get more comfortable in social situations, and even perhaps turn the odds a bit in your favor. Practice and preparation can help, but what about standing straight, arriving early, and, uhm, believing in the light on your chest – what's that all about? Is what you wear important? Should you really practice flirting with the person making your coffee? Read on to learn the Top 10 Dating Tips for the Shy.
Graduated Exposure Can Help
If you are a shy dater, you would be well-advised to go to parties and practice your social skills. However, you might be too shy to attend parties. Therefore, you can give yourself a different plan: 1) go to a party and stay there for 10 minutes this Friday; 2) go to a party and stay there for 20 minutes next Saturday; 3) go to a party and stay there for 30 minutes next Sunday… Another way to hone your social skills is to set achievable goals: 1) attend a party and talk to 1 stranger this Friday; 2) attend a party and talk to 2 strangers next Saturday; 3) attend a party and talk to 3 strangers next Sunday…
Physiology Leads Psychology
As a shy dater, you might find it difficult when it comes to preparing for the first date. But you can improve your confidence at home: before getting dressed, getting ready, and going out for the date, how about spending some time first, dancing while you're completely naked! You'll end up feeling more confident – because when you change your physiology, you also change your psychology!
Important to Improve Your Posture
Instead of folding your arms and slumping, how about standing tall, as if there's a light shining on your chest. Yes, imagine the golden sun shining on your chest! Sometimes I wear a statement necklace which constantly reminds me of a light on my chest, and it works every single time! If I can do that, you can too!
Social Event? Arrive on time! Or a Bit Early!
As an early arriver, odds are you'll be able to meet the host properly and hopefully have a meaningful conversation with the host first. If you're hanging with the host as other guests arrive, the host will likely introduce you to each guest. This can set you up to meet the guest(s) you're especially interested in. Please don’t arrive late and then hide in the crowd – give yourself as many opportunities as possible!
Scenario: Let's Say 'Don' is the Party Host
If you’d like to meet a particular person at a party, you can approach that person and ask, “Hi. How do you know Don?” This is a highly effective conversation starter because at this stage, the party host is someone that both of you know – the conversation sounds very natural. Then you keep talking about Don with the person that you are attracted to and you can change the subject later on.
Who Is That?
At a party you’ve noticed someone that you are attracted to but you haven’t officially met that person yet. So you ask the party host, “Who is that?” The party host is very likely to respond to your question by introducting you to that person! Remember: “Who is that?” is a powerful tool that can help you meet whoever you like at any party.
Unusual Jewelry
Previously, I mentioned that I often wear a statement necklace which reminds me of the light on my chest. Now I’d like to point out that unusual jewelry is actually a remarkable tool which helps me to meet people in social gatherings: Because I often wear a statement necklace or a pair of quirky earrings, people approach me and say something along the lines of, “Oh. Your necklace is beautiful.” or “Your earrings are absolutely awesome!” That reduces the necessity to approach other people – they approach me because of my unusual jewelry, and the opportunity is there to keep the conversation going, and maybe romance could develop from there.
Prepare Some Topics Ahead of Time
If you are not sure what to talk about with people at a party, you can prepare some topics beforehand. For example, if you are an avid reader, you may prepare something that you’ve read recently. If you are a movie buff, you could think about what you’ve seen and get some ideas from the movies that you love. What’s more, you might even prepare some answers to most people’s boring questions such as “What’s your plan for the weekend?” / “How is life?” / “How was your day today?” Note that boring questions don’t require boring answers! Be creative!
External Confidence vs. Internal Confidence
A good outfit can make you much more confident because your external confidence influences your internal confidence. Hence, you should totally invest in a great outfit (or a few amazing outfits). Instead of buying 5 low-quality outfits, you’d better buy at least 1 dynamite outfit which will definitely transform your look, thereby significantly improving your confidence immediately! Better still, you may consult with a fashion stylist who can give you professional advice in this regard. You only need to invest in the consultation once and you will benefit from the advice for the rest of your life. It’s a pretty good deal, isn’t it? Also, you can consult with a hair stylist who is able to give you professional advice about the right hair style for you. You don’t necessarily have to spend money in an expensive hair salon; you can simply invest in the consultation at a high-end hair salon and then get your hair done at a more affordable hair salon by giving the hairdresser correct instructions!
Practice Your Flirting Skills.
If you are looking for love, you need to practice your flirting skills with everyone you meet. Don’t wait until you’ve met the person that you would like to date; just practice on literally everyone around you! Have fun with the barista who makes the coffee for you in the morning; chat with the person standing next to you at the bus stop; start a conversation with someone sitting next to you on the train… Your goal is to practice your flirting skills rather than to meet the one right now, so you can certainly relax. Interestingly, when you are relaxed, you are more likely to meet the right person who will start a real relationship with you!
